How is it when I am at my lowest that someone always calls. Random pieces of conversations like a famous line from a movie – “don’t think it’s a spoon but instead realize there is no spoon” seem to make sense. I remember in school after my stage debacle my chemistry teacher gave the whole class a lecture on not to care about what others think, I remember feeling she did that just to console me. Now after fighting and hurting my father and deciding to give-up a friend calls at 11 o’ clock at night and talks to me for one hour. I never could relate to him but he picks the right topics. I think all I need in this life is balance, some company but not too much, some work but not too little, and lots of love. There are no limits to the last one. I know it is not the solution to any of my problems, but I still crave for something I have barely felt and have no idea how to handle. I guess love or even it’s watered down versions fill up the gaps of time between incidents in our lives when we have no one but ourselves. Time passes with ease as your mind is full of thoughts of either fluffy stuff or absolute anger or is on a hunt to solve a mystery but trying tirelessly to draw out the conclusion we desire. What we see with our eyes is not longer simple, we might be reading it all wrong, all the time, but it’s now interesting, even if it’s incorrect.
I think the reason why I love the infatuated stage so much is because I am at my shallowest best. As one smile, one look seems more important than an entire conversation. It gave me something to do with my time, as days never seemed long enough to analyze every moment of that five seconds, which meant nothing to that other person.
Love is the greatest filler of life, even it’s watered down version succeed in absorbing all the time in between. It’s when you are not in the midst of it that you don’t know what to do with yourself, when everything is clear and simple but still not enough.
