My mind has solved the puzzle...

... unfortunately I have reached a very humbling conclusion, good for me I learnt something about myself. The problem with humbling experiences it leaves you with no particular feeling, no joy no unhappiness. Just this empty incomplete feeling. But I know its good for me in the long-term, time to get my life in order myself. No more just existing.

My mind....

... is currently on a fact finding mission, it is trying to deduce something. More accurately it likes a certain conclusion and it is trying its level best to fit that with the evidence, collected over the last  six months or so. Before that my mind was unaware of the mission at hand, hence the evidence older than six months is not of very good quality, plus it doesn't fit the conclusion my mind likes to fit.The negative side effects of having a mind so preoccupied with this secret mission is - memory loss, intelligence loss, loss of any kind of activity which would help me get my career started. My career is something I don't think will ever start and i am no good looking chick, so the other alternative also is never going to take off. So my mind happily goes back to its fact finding mission, regaling me with flashbacks which support favorable outcome and facts that squish it. Then besides my mind is my intuition, or maybe its the saner bit which is trying to be heard. It keeps showing me the hopelessness of the whole fact finding mission, keeps telling me to go with the most realistic outcome and be OK with it, because in the long-run its best for me. But my mind has run soo many scenario analysis by me, so many pieces of evidence, so many outcomes have been run by me, that both me and my mind are finally exhausted and barely functional. So down goes my wit, down goes foresight, down goes common sense, down goes sloth!

Pretty Picture

This pic has not been modified, no filter used nothing, this is the true picture of a sunrise in mumbai.  I realise this blog is becoming more of a photo blog, but I cant help it. The sun seems to be taking timeout and pose for me! Who am I to complain. 

Complex

I have realised that we are complex beings, why we do certain things, any or everything sometimes doesn't make sense. We are not like cars, with a single force driving us to a single direction, instead we are the whole traffic jam. The kind that we see in mumbai, its a miracle we move at all. Sometimes there is an internal jam, sometimes we took the wrong turn but most of the time, we just manage to get through the day without a scratch.There are days, when there is a single force, a single car on a wide open road, on those days we are truly at ease.

From Darkness to Light

Yesterday was a full lunar eclipse which was completely visible from my balcony, conveniently so otherwise this post would not exist. Somehow watching a shadow fall on the moon was more interesting than anything I could think of doing. I was reminded that I am a small ant (i know not compared to the other ants, but atleast vis-a-vis other planets and satellites!). There are more bigger and important things out there of planetary proportions and my troubles were nothing. Actually I knew they were nothing, but the eclipse drove the point home.

Miscellaneous

Sometimes the best person to depend on is yourself, because doesn't matter what the situation, you will always have yourself. It's a hundred percent full proof strategy, zero risk also. I wanted this post to be about soo many things, about my parents who after 35 years of marriage still really do love each other , how? is a minor miracle. That a 59 year old woman can tell a 63 year old man you will get fat if you eat sooo much, this is after he is already 103 kgs. I mean hello, permanent blindness anyone! The fact i asked my mother to divorce my dad at the age of eight and even at the age of 26 i still wonder how it works, how she still looks so much happier with my dad. All her white hair turns black, she has shine on her skin and she looks like a little kid.

I wanted to write about my holiday and show all the beautiful pictures I clicked and say how I didnt need to go to an exotic location to find happiness, I just need to go home.

I wanted to write about my job and ask why it seems to go nowhere and why its always at risk of being taken away. Why do I always find myself hanging on with my dear life, why don't i thrive and why I keep feeling I am living on borrowed time.  Everyday I get this feeling something is missing, there is this constant feeling, I am staring in my computer looking at the excel file and feeling like I am losing something, every single day.

That something's missing feeling, might have to do with the fact that I don't have a sense of direction, I am steering blind, trying my best not to take any unknown turns.

Monday dread

My dear monday,
I start fearing you from sunday.
You ruin everything from weekends to holiday-ends.

Dear monday, I am scared of you.

You are relentless, you never give-up, your are like clockwork.
If we knew each-other better, we might have been friends.

My life seems to begin and end with you.
My friend friday helps me cope, makes me forget about you. But you have come in between my friend sunday and me! Your relentlessness has ruined our relationship

Dear monday, I am scared of you.

My friend thursday and I are not on as good terms, as friday and me, but we hit it off. I almost forget you!

I meet my friend wednesday half-way, each week. We are both survivors, both bitten by you.

Tuesday is more a friend of yours then mine, she is closer to you then me. but still I am glad to meet her, more than you!

Dear monday, I am scared of you.

One day monday, when the world will be in the right, Sunday and me will be back again, thursday and me will be close again and you and me will be no more again.

But till then my worthy adversary, the force is strong with you, we remain enemies till retirement.

Till then my foe, we will fence, till then my grouse we will bend, till the world is in the right again.

Till then, dear monday, I remain scared of you.

Every single day

Happy Diwali

Saturday Sunrise

Steve Jobs

It might sound strange, especially when someone has died that the one thing that struck me as odd in all flurry of articles on Steve Jobs was his net worth.  According to Forbes, Steve jobs’ net worth is $8.9 bn, I found that strange for the man who created and re-created the world’s third largest company Apple (by market cap). Bill Gates’s net worth is almost seven-times, while his company Microsoft is only the 10^th largest company by market share. Even more astounding is the fact that most of Steve jobs wealth came from Disney where he is the largest shareholder ($4.47bn of stocks) not Apple!

 

Source: Forbes The World’s Billionaires, as of March 2011

I saw a similar pattern in all the other rich fellows excluding Steve Jobs; they all had better individual ranks then their main or key companies. But the difference in the individual ranking and company ranking is most startling in Steve Jobs case- 110 individual rank and third company rank. I guess he was too busy doing what he loved than be bothered about making money. Too busy making products that make you smile before you even put them on.

Rank by individual net worth	Name	Net worth (Bn$)	Age	Source of income	Key company	Market value of company (Bn$)	Rank by mkt value
1	Carlos Slim Helu & family	74	71	Telecom	América Móvil	110	47*
2	Bill Gates	56	55	Microsoft	Microsoft	213.34	10
3	Warren Buffett	50	81	Berkshire Hathaway	Berkshire Hathaway	206.67	12
4	Bernard Arnault	41	62	LVMH	LVMH	77.61	84
5	Larry Ellison	39.5	67	Oracle	Oracle	169.19	22
6	Lakshmi Mittal	31.1	61	Steel	ArcelorMittal	56.54	124
7	Amancio Ortega	31	75	Zara	Inditex	50.08	153
8	Eike Batista	30	54	Mining, oil	Ogx Petroleo	39.06	210
9	Mukesh Ambani	27	54	Petrochemicals, oil & gas	Reliance Industries	76.91	86
10	Christy Walton & family	26.5	56	Walmart	Walmart	181.72	19
24	Larry Page	19.8	38	Google	Google	147.20	28
24	Sergey Brin	19.8	38	Google	Google	147.20	28
52	Mark Zuckerberg	13.5	27	Facebook	Facebook	50	155*
110	Steve Jobs	8.3	56	Apple, Pixar	Apple	321.07	3

Individual ranking and net worth according to Forbes

Company ranking and market value according to FT Global 100

* Ranking of companies proxy rank of companies with similar market share in FT Global 500

Market value of face book from Bloomberg and of América Móvil from Forbes

The numbers don’t tell you everything, just like a person’s grades don’t tell you everything (I hope).  Its how you do what you do, that needs to be measured. Mr. Jobs got that, he focused less on the numbers more on the reactions, making people emotional about a computer sounds insane, irrational, but it works. In the end of the day its not really the RAM, or the hard-drive or the processor, that was important, it was important that the person who is going to spend a considerable amount of his or her time using that product, felt it was worth the while.  

I love the way Apple markets its products, its always has simple ads, with main focus on the product, no pretty girl standing in the frame, wondering what she is doing here. Despite the size of Apple, they made a large company feel like a small open source company, making new stuff. It didn’t seem to have the big corporate feel they kept it simple. Even the keyboard of an IMAC embodies that, no odd buttons like num-lock, scroll lock, which you end up pressing by mistake only. No clutter, no stupid extra button. They even took away the backspace key, which I must admit I want it put back. Despite the simplicity, you ended-up looking forward to the new product, they made it an experience. Tell me, has anybody gone and told people around they got a Microsoft, if it’s a vista you may not want to tell other people. Obviously there are drawbacks; products that invest a lot in simplicity end-up being inflexible they give you a few readymade range of options, just like Steve Jobs. Either his way or the iway, but then its his dream that we bought into.

Here’s to the crazy ones.

“You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.”

--- Steve Jobs (1955 – 2011)

The problem with the Future

Tomorrow is a mystery
Yesterday is history
Today is a gift, that is why it's called the present


- Kung Fu Panda

Even a cartoon can make more sense, then my mind or my surroundings. Everyone is obsessed with the future, Investment banks try to see if there is a recession ahead or an upswing, Doctors try to give an estimate of how much life is left, Astrologers try to see what lies in your stars, Tarot card readers shuffle a deck of your life, we try, when we start each day thinking how it will unfold.

So busy trying to see what lies ahead, we miss out on what we have, we miss today. I don't want my youth to go wondering about my life ahead and I don't want why old age to go wondering about the end.  Today is a present, open it.

Apple

If you plan to buy an Imac (desktop from apple), you will go through the following thought process -

1st go through all the other all in one desktops and you will read how they are all value for money, same specification or even better specifications for half the price (ok for Rs 20 thousand less). But then you will tell yourself, "but i will never be happy with anything else!, its a once in a lifetime thing"

Then you will go on to worry about the compatibility issues, will it work with everything, can I play my movies, will my wireless plugin work (it doesn't, but thats for later :)).

Then you will go on to worry about the new operating system, how will I get use to it, I only know windows (if you are using a windows vista even thats not a given).

Finally you will worry about the price, especially if you are in India, as its easily Rs 12 thousand bucks more than its in the US. How one could rationally justify still buying it, is well inexplicable.

But just assume you still go ahead thinking, "I have been staring at it in shops for 3 years, i think its about time (yes parents will kill me but thats how I thought after 2 weeks of digging up information + 3 years of staring)".

So you go to the shop and blow a hole in your pocket, which is the size of the base of Mount Everest while the pocket is as big as, say a small pond. Do you regret it, do you feel stupid to spend so much money especially when it seems like 2011 will not just be like 2008 but even worse. Incredibly no because Steve Jobs is a very bright man, he realized that as human beings we lose our thinking when faced with a beautiful thing or person and the Imac is stunning. So even though after digging for 2 weeks seeing that everything else was practically more value for money and I am a normal person who needs a computer for a few things only, you go ahead. But ex-post buying does it live up to expectations, or do you still feel like a donkey. Well it not only lives up to expectation but exceeds them (thankfully). It's operating system might seem a bit jarring at first, but thats because we are all hardwired to use windows which is not at all intuitive, so we got use to that. We see a computer taking 3 mins to start as a normal thing with the word 'loading' as omnipresent as it's in widows and we think that is normal! It takes about a week to get use to it, but thats it and it does everything easily, your downloads are saved in downloads, your documents in documents, your movies in movies. The screen resolution makes everything look better and the sound quality is as good as an ipod. It has no wires except one power cord and it starts up in an instant. The safari browser is awesome, even better than firefox.

The following points no one will ever tell you in any review-

1) there is no backspace key in the keyboard (at least I couldn't find one), only a delete key, you will get use to it.

2) The screen tends to fog up in humid climates (something to do with the tube in the screen, not a big problem)

3) as its made of aluminum, if the earthing in your house is not good, it tends to give little socks, but you can buy a surge protector and it will stop.

4) tends to get hot and let out a plastic smell ( I have been told its normal and will reduce as you use it more, I really hope it does)

5) dont ever buy a plugin as a net connection, as they may not have drivers for the new os versions, best to stick to landline net connection.

6) many people complained about the keys being too hard, its actually has soft keys like a calculators (the small ones) and the keys are normal sized.

7) the keyboard shortcuts are similar to windows, but instead of the ctrl key its command key. But it is more mouse friendly or I might be wrong, still getting to know the functions.

On this Independence day...

Somehow I don't think we were meant to see a computer screen 24X7.

Delayed but happy

This is what I do when rain delays my journey to office -

 The beauty of having a fully automatic camera !

 Little drops of rain

 When people don't believe I have an amazing view from my house!

 Sometimes all it takes is to look though the wrong glass to distort the image.

 I wont say it drizzled, it poured.

The cause of all problems - Cumulonimbus cloud (this pic was taken by my mother as it requires a person to getup at 6 AM, the time I am in my REM state of sleep)

A lesson for future bosses

I didn't write current bosses, because I think they are beyond help, so I focus on the people who can be reformed. Sometime from now all of you current slaves will get the privilege of having a slave all to yourself. When that moment comes I want you to remember the following:

Lesson 1> If something makes you angry, don't let it rip all the time. Sometimes it’s needed and helps, but if you consistently blow someone up, what will happen is either your one and only slave runs away or grows extra layers of skin. In both cases your dead, so what’s the point.

Lesson 2> If you have made a mistake, accept it. You will grow in importance in the eyes of your slave. Don't go blame it on someone else, that will just make you ordinary and most importantly, your slave will lose respect for you. That is dangerous because when that happens all your future firings will have no impact on your slave, as he or she will think you are nuts!

Lesson 3> Build someone up. It’s easy to break someone down, easy to keep pointing mistakes, but its hell of a lot tougher to find something good in a job not well done. But it’s important to find that positive otherwise the person will not be receptive to the negative you are pointing out. It’s important to develop that person, to mentor not torment. What is the use if you make someone feel lousy, break them down, all that will happen is they just won’t care anymore.

Lesson 4> Communicate. If you think this just applies to family then you are an idiot. It applies to anyone you have to work with or / and live with. You need to give feedback on the work done, otherwise your slave will feel he or she is sending emails to a black hole. It’s important to let someone know their work is being read and where is it being used.

Lesson 5> Feedback. Always give feedback on work done; your slave will feel you are trying your best to improve them. If you find room for improvement, point it out otherwise it will remain room for improvement. But if you find something well done it’s equally important to point it out. The number one reason why people find it difficult to stick to their weight loss plans is because the results take time to show, so you have to stick it out till you reach that point where you start losing weight and after that you are hooked. Same thing for work life, you need to give negative + positive feedback, otherwise the slave will give up.

Lesson 6> Learn to read what type of person you are working with. If after working for donkeys’ years you still can’t judge a person then really, what is wrong with you? It’s easy to figure out what type of person you are working with. If it’s a shirker, then he or she will shirk work simple, if it’s a hard worker he or she will work hard. Each needs to be treated differently, the shirker with a pinch of suspicion so that they know you’re watching them, the hard worker with trust. If you treat them equally - either both with a pinch of suspicion then the hard worker will hate you or both with trust, then the shirker will take you for a ride.

If this post has reformed any current slave, even one I will be very grateful, because then there will be one less future boss tormenting one less future slave.

Faces...

I am not going to say who, because when that will be known, eggs will be thrown.

Sloth vs. the days of the week

Sloth tries to run away from the calendar monster - Mondaaaay

After almost drowning, the brave sloth just about manages to swim to weekend island.

How to train your dragon

Another really nice movie which released sometime back. The best part about the movies is the main idea - how to train your dragon, how many people could come up with that. The animation quality was amazing and as usual they got the characters bang on. The only letdown, its not as funny as Megamind or as cute as Tangled, but the idea is so unique, it makes up for it.

Verdict: Must watch at least twice!

Economical times

A day in the life of sloth

If you live in mumbai, you already know the autowala never stopped.

Back in time

Sometimes I wish i could go back in time, back to my college days. But I want to hold on to the experiences I have had. I want to see if I did things any differently, If I gave myself more of a chance, instead of being soo hard on myself. Instead of focusing on my weakness, instead of fighting myself and then the world. Instead of trying to look at myself through other peoples eyes. Instead of analysing my every move and then analysing what other people think. If I could have avoided doing all this, so much time would have been freed up and I could focus on my strengths, on things truly important and not wasted my time.

Wisdom at rock bottom

A man came back from work late one evening, but instead of going home he went to park nearby. A few years ago this park use to be neat and beautifully kept, people from other colonies use to come just to see it. But now its rundown and overgrown into a mini wilderness, with no direction, trying anything and everything to survive. A bit like the man's life, he use to be the pride of his mother, who introduced him to everyone as her little star. Now he is all grownup married with two kids and a 9 to 9 job. Life did treat him good - he married his childhood sweetheart, had a well paying job, two beautiful kids. But still majority of the days he would feel, is this what the rest of my life will be. Every day he would sit a little longer in the park, before coming home. His wife could see him walking towards the mini wilderness, she never asked why, but she worried as he seemed to sit longer and longer. Today had been particularly tough on him, he seem to hit a brick wall in his career, he was seeing everyone move up, leaving him behind. But he couldn't blame anyone but himself, he didn't like his job, he worked hard but the desire that every manager looks for, was missing in him. Today he sat for almost half an hour in the park. Looking at his toes, holding his head in his hands, listening to the noise of the crickets, letting the wind comfort him. While the man was outside, lost in thought, the phone in the house started ringing ..... The wife answered the phone,
"Hello, Dasguptas residence"
"Haallo, dhananjoy achai?" (translation : is dhananjoy there?)
"Noi"
There ended the north Indian wife's knowledge of Bengali. After being married to one for 3 years and being his best friend for almost 20 years, it’s kind of symbolic she only learned 'Noi' or No.
"Oh, Smriti, it is you?, where is he?, he should be back from office by now?" ... said the mother in-law.
"He is back from office"
"Then where did he go?" ... asked the concerned mother
"Your son is sitting in the park"
"What is he doing in the park?"
"I don’t know?"
"Is everything ok? What have you made for dinner?"
"Yes everything is fine and what does dinner have to do with it?"
"Then why is he sitting in the park?"
"I will call you back, when he is inside"..... Clank the receiver is kept back.
Smriti went towards the window, watching her husband sitting in the park, and thinking: What should I do with this stupid fellow, even when he was nine he sat in the park if he had any problems. Why didn’t he become a gardener!

A not so good weekend

The bottom left hand side block is supposed to be a beach, but the sea ended up looking like the sky.

How do I get to office

I look out of my window and all I could think - "how do I get to office". I don't notice the blanket of rain, I don't notice the trees swirling, the grass twirling, people doing their business as if there is no rain. But all I think about is how do I get to office and if I don't get to office what will happen. Before I can even blink, I have visualised my day today. But I missed something important - it’s raining. These clouds came all the way from the Indian Ocean and they split into two branches - Arabian Sea and Bay of Bengal branch. On top of this, we have the retreating monsoon which are the same clouds flowing from north to east, after hitting the Himalayas. For this to happen, two major tectonic plates needed to crash with each other 70 million years ago. It is from this collision we got the youngest (and the sharpest, a bit like its people I think) mountain range in the world - Himalayas. Awesome back story for a downpour, what was I thinking again - oh yes how do I get to office!

PS: this is an image taken by satellite Kalpana 1 http://www.imd.gov.in/section/satmet/dynamic/insatglobe-wv.htm

The thing about the rainy season

Rain rain, pee pee
Drink drink, pee pee
No drink drink, still pee pee
When will this season end!

A good weekend

Saying no to the carrot

When the logical next step of you present state of misery is moving ahead - getting to a better place, a higher pay, more future. But then you think do I want this, wasn't I looking to find something I love to do, rather than looking for things that people generally look for when they are forced to do things they don't love. Why is it that I cant do my work properly, why I don't dig deeper, why I give-up so easily. Why is it easy for me to say no thank you to the carrot and stay with the rotten apple. Maybe its easy to maintain status quo, easy to do nothing. But then I find it difficult to push myself towards something I am not convinced about. I wish I had thought about my future, where is it headed, before I started walking towards it. This whole, it all adds up in the end, is too risky and you have to grow old before you find out this strategy worked. There are many people whose life doesn't add up, they remain disjoint pieces, good and bad moments. Nothing falls into place, you just end up with these random experiences. In my case the one experience which is adding up is living alone, I needed to go through it to realise I cant live alone. The office experience I guess I realise I am done, but then now what?

Living with ego

I was thinking of writing a poem on this but no, I couldn't. I am not much of a rhymer, plus I really am not in the mood.
But ego, I feel you every time, someone proves me wrong.
I feel you like a car with bad breaks. You are hard to stop, hard to accept, hard to back down.
I feel you when I realise I don't know something or I didn't bother to learn.
I feel you when someone messes with my plan.
I feel you when my mistakes come to light.
I feel you when it’s hard to accept how ordinary I am.
You make me thin skinned, weak points for people to poke.
You make me angry, like a rock tumbling down the hill.
You make me fight, even if I don't have the right.
You make use of every blind spot in my conscience.
Moment I turn my back you have grown a little.
Changing me, from the inside out.
I can’t see my reflection; you stand between me and the mirror.
I can’t go to the next step, as you only let me see the last step.
All I see are the pitfalls; you hide all the possibilities from me.
Living with you is tough; you bring out the worst in me.
In some places that's a good enough ground for divorce.

Life is beautiful

Work life

Work Life is all about being at the right time and place. About pushing yourself, being aggressive and putting yourself out there without any fear. But I don't think I could rise to that, I tend to keep my mouth shut. If someone important is coming to office people push themselves, they tell their bosses what about me, what about my future. I didn't push nor ask, I guess as a result I didn't go anywhere. Even artists need to market their work, not just be lost in their creative worlds, for normal people like me this is even more true. Everyone keeps saying you must market yourself, get a soundbite in. My first boss told me on my last day - "There are some people who undersell themselves, they don't rise and frankly you are one of them". Doesn't matter what happens today, if I make a fool of myself or not, I will always be grateful for my family. I have got one of the best and I didn't even have to try too hard. They just came or I just came would be more accurate.