Short-term

As my life is currently dangling over a cliff... I have decided to focus on a few short term goals. Small stuff that I use to take for granted. There are the following:

1) watching the movies I will miss for maybe the whole of this year. I already have two I missed - crooks and yeh jawani hai deewani.

2) make short trips to Mumbai and finally place my ass firmly there. Like a flag on a battle ground, claiming this is mine.

3) learn to drive and hopefully buy a car.

4) look pretty again... aka wear nice clothes and stuff.

My wish

I don't want my life to be a tragedy... I don't want to look at my circumstance and think there is no hope. I want to think, despite the risk, despite everything pointing downwards. I would like to think that I am lucky and that I continue to be considered a funny light hearted (some would say light headed person). I no longer mind people making fun of me, I see it as a blessing that my life hasn't been so very bad... so that people don't look at me with pity.

I don't want to look at myself with pity... I want to consider myself as lucky... I would like to put myself in the creamy layer of life. There are moments in life when you know that how you react now will define the rest of your life. I am in that moment and I am praying that when I come out on the other side, my life, my ending, is happy.

Predictions

My family specializes in predicting the future, aka astrology. I don't remember a single prediction come true, except one. That is a success rate of one in thousands and thousands of predictions. I do believe we have to go through a certain set of events. Many things are out of our control, sickness, external factors over which we have no control. But I am slowly coming to the conclusion, that there is no point in knowing the future, especially if the prediction method is flawed. And to add to this what is the point, of knowing your life is going to be hell a year from now, why ruin this year. Its like doctors telling you that you have six months of good health left. Sometimes mysteries are good for us, the idea that anything is still possible, just the idea is so important for personal happiness. Why rob someone of that, why remove the element of anything is possible.

Possibilities, now that is something to be preserved, what we will go through, we have to, but its better if the possibilities are still alive. And please don't self sabotage yourself, there are enough other people to do it for you, don't add yourself to that list. Be your best friend, because we need all the help we can get. Be in your corner and punch life in the face!