Definition

To know who you are. To know every fine line where you end and begin, is important. Because if you meet life without a clear idea of who you are, you cant shape it. Its like painting on water, you need to have a clear idea of what you want to paint, otherwise it becomes one big grey mess. While you are defining yourself, make sure its independent of anything that you can touch or see. Independent of beauty as it will fade. Independent of what you do, as it will change. Independent of who you are with, because they will go. Independent of events, because they may or may not happen. Independent of your body's strength, as time will rob you of it. Define yourself on something that time, people, destiny  cant take away from you.

Your definition should be independent, as independent as you want to be. I keep seeing everyone around me, wanting life to fall into a pattern. A successful job, money, marriage, a house, a car, kids, successful kids, grand kids. If any or all of these things don't fall into place, we lose our identity. Who are we if one of these things take a miss step, suddenly our life doesn't seem to matter. Our past, present and future are irrelevant because of a list of events. The fact that we are alive doesn't seem to matter because of a list. Who made this list and this list keeps changing. The concept of marriage didn't exist in the stone age. It didn't matter if your kids were successful during the great depression, everyone was just happy to survive. It didn't matter if you didn't own a house during times of slavery, all people wanted was their freedom. Don't define yourself based on anything you can see or touch. Define yourself on something only you can feel and believe in. Don't put a value on your existence, because you cant and it is not something that was meant to be valued. There is no market for it and it cant be summed up in a few numbers or a few lines. Even great men have flaws, even flawed men have great times. Just know who you are, not your value, just who you are.

Love on streets of mumbai

I remember being stuck in a traffic jam on my way to office. There are eight traffic lights, which I counted one day, as I found it odd that I was getting super tense every morning. On this particular day, while I helplessly looked at the red coloured light, which turns green for 30 seconds and remains red for 2 mins or sometimes even longer. I saw this couple on a bike, the guy was riding the bike and the female was sitting behind him. She seemed lost in her world, I guess the heat must have got to her. But every few seconds with a blank expression on her face, she would gently put her chin down on his shoulder, oblivious to the profound effect of happiness it produced on his face. Every time she rested her chin on his shoulder, his mouth would break open into a smile. She would then lift her chin up and his smile would subside, chin down, smile back.

Another day on the same crossing waiting for the fabled but hardly ever seen green light, another couple were on a bike. The female got off and crossed the road. The guy didn't take his eyes off until she was safely on the otherside. She then would keep turning back to say bye and his eyes were always there to meet hers.

Is it the traffic jam or I think bikes are more romantic means of travel. The great thing is doesn't matter how hot it is, the exhaust fumes, the tarmac road radiating heat, the noisy honks, love always finds a way to make life a little soft. 

Mother of all observations!

You cant love anyone, if you don't love yourself. You just cant. You will be so preoccupied with your own flaws that you will not have the time to see the other person. Every unrelated thing, you will relate to you. Everyday you will add a brand new chain.

There is a funny thing about life, its like water, it always finds its level and that level is what you think about yourself. Sooner or later, it will match what you think you deserve. Your eyes becomes everyone else's. Life levels with you, if you think you are not special, so wouldn't everyone.  All that matters is what you think about yourself. All you need to do is look at yourself a little longer, till you see the time and effort put into making you.  The twists and turns, the ups and downs, the bumps, the constant clashes, everything that needed to fall into place to lead up to you. For each unique person, there is a unique story that begins and ends with you. You star in it.

As I get older, I like that fact that I am beginning to look past the fear. The fear hasn't gone, but I can see beyond. I can handle myself better, learn to let go, break my boundaries once in awhile. Walk in a zig-zag but not a straight line. And the best bit is all of me is able to match my expectations, which are beginning to grow..... slowly.

Heres to growing up ... slowly :)

If I could hold this moment ....

.... still, I would.
Interrupt time, no more seconds, no more time.
If I could hold this moment in my arms and never let go.
Tell tomorrow goodbye and let go of my past.
Notice each breath, each flicker of life.
If  I could hold this moment in my eyes.
Never blink, never turn away.
Let the breeze pass by, let the stars come and go.
If I could hold this moment in my hands.
and never let go... I would.

Relationships

They start messy and they end messy. But when we are not in them, life is much clearer, more balanced. But we cant wait to fall into a mess. Cant wait to lose yourself, to lose your freedom, peace of mind, simplicity, we cant seem to wait to lose. Doesn't matter how old you get, hard-earned wisdom is thrown out of the window and uncertainty opens the door. We love mysteries, we fall for what makes no sense, what is unstable, unadvisable. We just cant seem to wait.

First attempt at glass painting

Materials required: Glass paints (Rs 90) from Hobby Ideas
                              Glass vase (Rs 1100) from Home Stop

Home improvements

I had these beautiful Diwali lights and I wanted to somehow use them on a daily basis inside my house. So I bought this tall glass vase and put the lights in them :)

Something that keeps bothering me, my career!

Last year's Diwali