Thursday, March 13, 2014

Going beyond Boundaries

A Walk to Remember, is a very emotional movie. It has all the right parts, young love, transformation, terminal illness without the ugly bits. Beautiful songs, perfect pitch for emotions. But watching that movie I wondered if anyone was capable of so much love, that they are willing to love unconditionally, without jealousy and resentment. If someone was capable of giving everything up for someone without resentment, without anger. Is anybody able to love someone without judgement, without expectations. And I don't restrict this to romantic love. This question applies to all kinds of love- of a mother, child, sibling, everyone. I cant imagine how it feels to love somebody completely, that you will do anything for them... they become your top priority. They take precedent over your work, everything. They come in between you and your idea of an ideal life. And you are ok with it, you accept somebody completely. I am guessing if anyone feels this, its going to be parents. They would come closest to this stage. But even with them life seems to claw its way back and interrupt this unending love. Issues of a livelihood, practical matters become important, but parents forgo their idea of a life. They come closest to living for someone else. But even for them moments of panic come and go. When they wonder about their individuality, Their identity.

I cant imagine how it would feel like this, to be willing to let go of oneself so completely, that no sacrifice is a sacrifice anymore. To be ready to change your life. Give it all up for someone else. And to do it without resentment or fear.

I seem to cling on to material things like my job for an identity, I think I would be lost without it. I could not imagine giving it up for anyone else. I cant imagine. I need this immaterial thing to define me. I hold on to my fear, as it keeps me on a straight logical line. On the flip side it prevents me from ever doing anything adventurous, anything questioning my identity. I am actually scared of complete freedom. To live one day doing exactly what I want, telling people what I exactly feel. One day without inhibitions, endangering my identity of self. The idea itself is terrifying.

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