A day in the life of sloth

If you live in mumbai, you already know the autowala never stopped.

Back in time

Sometimes I wish i could go back in time, back to my college days. But I want to hold on to the experiences I have had. I want to see if I did things any differently, If I gave myself more of a chance, instead of being soo hard on myself. Instead of focusing on my weakness, instead of fighting myself and then the world. Instead of trying to look at myself through other peoples eyes. Instead of analysing my every move and then analysing what other people think. If I could have avoided doing all this, so much time would have been freed up and I could focus on my strengths, on things truly important and not wasted my time.

Wisdom at rock bottom

A man came back from work late one evening, but instead of going home he went to park nearby. A few years ago this park use to be neat and beautifully kept, people from other colonies use to come just to see it. But now its rundown and overgrown into a mini wilderness, with no direction, trying anything and everything to survive. A bit like the man's life, he use to be the pride of his mother, who introduced him to everyone as her little star. Now he is all grownup married with two kids and a 9 to 9 job. Life did treat him good - he married his childhood sweetheart, had a well paying job, two beautiful kids. But still majority of the days he would feel, is this what the rest of my life will be. Every day he would sit a little longer in the park, before coming home. His wife could see him walking towards the mini wilderness, she never asked why, but she worried as he seemed to sit longer and longer. Today had been particularly tough on him, he seem to hit a brick wall in his career, he was seeing everyone move up, leaving him behind. But he couldn't blame anyone but himself, he didn't like his job, he worked hard but the desire that every manager looks for, was missing in him. Today he sat for almost half an hour in the park. Looking at his toes, holding his head in his hands, listening to the noise of the crickets, letting the wind comfort him. While the man was outside, lost in thought, the phone in the house started ringing ..... The wife answered the phone,
"Hello, Dasguptas residence"
"Haallo, dhananjoy achai?" (translation : is dhananjoy there?)
"Noi"
There ended the north Indian wife's knowledge of Bengali. After being married to one for 3 years and being his best friend for almost 20 years, it’s kind of symbolic she only learned 'Noi' or No.
"Oh, Smriti, it is you?, where is he?, he should be back from office by now?" ... said the mother in-law.
"He is back from office"
"Then where did he go?" ... asked the concerned mother
"Your son is sitting in the park"
"What is he doing in the park?"
"I don’t know?"
"Is everything ok? What have you made for dinner?"
"Yes everything is fine and what does dinner have to do with it?"
"Then why is he sitting in the park?"
"I will call you back, when he is inside"..... Clank the receiver is kept back.
Smriti went towards the window, watching her husband sitting in the park, and thinking: What should I do with this stupid fellow, even when he was nine he sat in the park if he had any problems. Why didn’t he become a gardener!

A not so good weekend

The bottom left hand side block is supposed to be a beach, but the sea ended up looking like the sky.

How do I get to office

I look out of my window and all I could think - "how do I get to office". I don't notice the blanket of rain, I don't notice the trees swirling, the grass twirling, people doing their business as if there is no rain. But all I think about is how do I get to office and if I don't get to office what will happen. Before I can even blink, I have visualised my day today. But I missed something important - it’s raining. These clouds came all the way from the Indian Ocean and they split into two branches - Arabian Sea and Bay of Bengal branch. On top of this, we have the retreating monsoon which are the same clouds flowing from north to east, after hitting the Himalayas. For this to happen, two major tectonic plates needed to crash with each other 70 million years ago. It is from this collision we got the youngest (and the sharpest, a bit like its people I think) mountain range in the world - Himalayas. Awesome back story for a downpour, what was I thinking again - oh yes how do I get to office!

PS: this is an image taken by satellite Kalpana 1 http://www.imd.gov.in/section/satmet/dynamic/insatglobe-wv.htm

The thing about the rainy season

Rain rain, pee pee
Drink drink, pee pee
No drink drink, still pee pee
When will this season end!

A good weekend

Saying no to the carrot

When the logical next step of you present state of misery is moving ahead - getting to a better place, a higher pay, more future. But then you think do I want this, wasn't I looking to find something I love to do, rather than looking for things that people generally look for when they are forced to do things they don't love. Why is it that I cant do my work properly, why I don't dig deeper, why I give-up so easily. Why is it easy for me to say no thank you to the carrot and stay with the rotten apple. Maybe its easy to maintain status quo, easy to do nothing. But then I find it difficult to push myself towards something I am not convinced about. I wish I had thought about my future, where is it headed, before I started walking towards it. This whole, it all adds up in the end, is too risky and you have to grow old before you find out this strategy worked. There are many people whose life doesn't add up, they remain disjoint pieces, good and bad moments. Nothing falls into place, you just end up with these random experiences. In my case the one experience which is adding up is living alone, I needed to go through it to realise I cant live alone. The office experience I guess I realise I am done, but then now what?

Living with ego

I was thinking of writing a poem on this but no, I couldn't. I am not much of a rhymer, plus I really am not in the mood.
But ego, I feel you every time, someone proves me wrong.
I feel you like a car with bad breaks. You are hard to stop, hard to accept, hard to back down.
I feel you when I realise I don't know something or I didn't bother to learn.
I feel you when someone messes with my plan.
I feel you when my mistakes come to light.
I feel you when it’s hard to accept how ordinary I am.
You make me thin skinned, weak points for people to poke.
You make me angry, like a rock tumbling down the hill.
You make me fight, even if I don't have the right.
You make use of every blind spot in my conscience.
Moment I turn my back you have grown a little.
Changing me, from the inside out.
I can’t see my reflection; you stand between me and the mirror.
I can’t go to the next step, as you only let me see the last step.
All I see are the pitfalls; you hide all the possibilities from me.
Living with you is tough; you bring out the worst in me.
In some places that's a good enough ground for divorce.

Life is beautiful

Work life

Work Life is all about being at the right time and place. About pushing yourself, being aggressive and putting yourself out there without any fear. But I don't think I could rise to that, I tend to keep my mouth shut. If someone important is coming to office people push themselves, they tell their bosses what about me, what about my future. I didn't push nor ask, I guess as a result I didn't go anywhere. Even artists need to market their work, not just be lost in their creative worlds, for normal people like me this is even more true. Everyone keeps saying you must market yourself, get a soundbite in. My first boss told me on my last day - "There are some people who undersell themselves, they don't rise and frankly you are one of them". Doesn't matter what happens today, if I make a fool of myself or not, I will always be grateful for my family. I have got one of the best and I didn't even have to try too hard. They just came or I just came would be more accurate.

Lets get Tangled up !

Ok I agree so the movie released sometime ago, but who cares people still do VCD reviews, no ? So lets get cracking, I must admit I was a little worried throughout the movie that I might have outgrown fairy tales. I mean I love kung Fu Panda and Madagascar, but those are not meant for children, they are just marketed like that to increase audience reach. That's a trade secret by the way... only available on sloth. So here I was watching a new spin on Rapunzel, I know she has to get the fellow in the end and get out of that tower and of course the witch had to go. But I loved the fact that not for a second could I figure out how. I mean a crime fighting horse and an all knowing chameleon make it a little tough, anything can happen:). This movie benefits a lot from the fact that stuff like shrek have been created, I mean in that movie the lead pair end-up ogred forever, happily of course. So I was worried they would kill the fellow and come up with a positive spin on it, something like Titanic did. When Leo died and Kate winslet promised to live a happy life and they show all those pics of her on a horse, planes etc. I mean the first time I saw Titanic the movie, I didn't even feel bad he died. Another bit of trivia have you noticed in how many movies Leonardo DiCaprio dies, I think Body of Lies and Inception are the only ones where the director didn't kill him. Coming back to Tangled, I am happy to report that he lives and they don't get ogred .

I really love the fact that there are people who can come up with such amazing stories, amazing imaginary worlds. Despite being surrounded by the ordinary, they come up with the extraordinary.

*The End*

Small gifts of kindness

She kept twisting and turning, couldn't sleep, there was that funny feeling in her legs. It was still nighttime but she could sense morning was around the corner. That restless feeling, waiting for a newday to start, so that she could move on. But then her mind kept taking her back, 3 years back, when a stranger walked-up to her, in the middle of the market. The noise, all the hustle bustle, the sharp sun, the weight of the bags all slowed her down. All she wanted to do is go home, get away from the heat, the smell and just lock her self up in her home. But this man from out of nowhere kept walking towards her. He crossed the road as if there were no cars on it, all he saw was her. She didn't know who he was, but knew he is walking towards her. She tried to move away, tried to escape. She could still remember every detail of his face in her mind, as she was laying down waiting for the new day to start. At first she could only see the outline of his hair, as the sun blinded her, but then she moved back a little and there he was from head to toe, covered in sweat. Drops were trickling down his chin, his hair all curly drench in sweat.

"Ma'am" he said, "is that your....."

He took a few seconds gap in the middle of his sentence, she was figuring out as many exits as possible. Scanning the market place with the corner of her eye. Watching the cars go by behind him.

".... is that over there..."

She turned to her left and looked at the direction the man was pointing and was horrified, she almost left her kid in the market. She ran across the road and held the child's hand and walked towards the man and thanked him with all her heart.

Monsoon diaries

Glass half full

Everyone keeps saying must see life as a glass half full. You had a bad in day in office it could be worse, you have health problems it could be worse, you are going nowhere it could be worse, you could be starving. I agree with this point of view but it just seems to me that I would be justifying being happy by telling myself life could get worse. In yoga they say you must be detached from events happening in your life. You should not focus on things you cant change, accept that you are a small ant with a given set of legs and run with it, or crawl whatever is best suited for your body type or species in this case. I don't know how to get to that detached state, how to let things that make me angry go. How to enjoy the rest of my day by not focusing on one thing that's got me worked-up. For instance the monsoon came yesterday to mumbai, I should have enjoyed that, I should thought of having pakora with chai in the balcony. I mean what could be better than that. To take back control, to decide what emotions will enter my day. Doesn't matter what happens, I decide if I had a good or a bad day, not some arbit moron.