Wicked witch of Mecloud

A long long time ago, back in the times of golden chariots and kings and queens. When there were kingdoms not countries, lived a wicked witch. People lived in fear of this witch, no one knew where she lived. She would just appear in the town dressed as a fruit seller or what have you. Everyone had to be careful when outside of their homes, you never knew if the person you were talking to was basket case or the wicked witch. I remember hearing from jimmy me old pal down at the pub, that a man was fighting with his wife at the pub, he thought she was his wifey and was giving her a peace of his mind. Than suddenly there would be a puff of smoke and the man lost his deep thick voice. A voice every man dreams of having, helps with the ladies if you know what I mean. Instead the poor old sod has a thin squeaky voice, the high nasally one, if you know what I mean. Since then the people of mecloud had to be civil with anyone they talked to. Kind of a benefit if you ask me. But the town was fed up, if you know what I mean. You need to lose your steams once in awhile, imagine not been able to blow up your tailor for uneven pants! Gets my blood boiling if you know what I mean.

Then what happened uncle ?

Hold on to your pants, matty, the story is just beginning, where did I keep those blasted tea leaves. Oh there it is. Coming back then, the king finally decided to do something about it, not a day too soon if you ask me. He decided to call his council of sorcerers, a scary bunch known as the devils own, a nickname given by the towns people. But to the king's surprise, the devils own seem to have their knickers in a bunch. First they said it was inauspicious to launch an attack on any magical being during the month of the solar solstice. The king knew this was a bunch of hog wash.

What did the king do then?

Hang on, let me pour you a wee bit more tea. Can't let you go home on an empty stomach now can I? Where are those blasted biscuits, I swear sometimes this old place is goin to the rats. There they are. Now where were we?

The king has called the council of sorcerers.

Oh yes matty, the devils own. On seeing his council wet their pants at having to deal with the wicked witch. The king decided to take matters to his own hands. About time I say, if you know what I mean. The king called on mcdaffy, his war strategist and the cleverest man in town. They say he help us win wars against armies ten times our size just by his sheer wit matty.

Oh I have heard of him.

Who hasn't, that man is the greatest man that ever lived. To survive by your wits that is the way to live. No guns, battle ship, just pure common sense. They should call it uncommon sense, if you know what I mean.

I will never know what you mean uncle, if you don't go on with the story.

Oh yes, true my little man, let's be on now, so sir mcdaffy was given the job to hunt the wicked witch. And as a mark of a true man matty, he accepted the challenge, not like the devils own bunch. Mcdaffy started spending a lot of time in the market, where the witch was seen frequently. There were very few cases of her coming in someone's house, thank god for that. He started talking to the unfortunate souls who had run ins with the witch. A man who was known for being a bit of a Casanova, if you know what I mean was turned into an ugly woman. Poor fellow, you could hear him crying for miles away. They even thought of renaming the street near his house from the sweeping willow to weeping willow. The man told mcdaffy he was on his way to see his seventh girl friend on the sixth street, when the witch caught him. The other case was of a woman, she was a good nature woman but she had the sharpest mind in the town. She would run a puzzle shop, for ten loopes you could play one puzzle, if you were able to solve it, you win 20 loopes. But nobody ever did. One unfortunate day, one of her customers  came out to be the witch. The woman lost her ability to come up with puzzle. Unfortunate, her puzzle shop was me favourite.

So what did Mcdaffy do, uncle?

Ah he figured out a few things about the witch, she would take away the one thing a person admired the most, you know sunny that thing that makes you. Beauty from the beautiful people, brains from the brainy people. It was as if she was punishing them. Punishing anyone who stands out. So he started asking the old people of the town of any stories of people losing something big, a curse maybe.

A curse ? Did he find anything

Oh yes, oh yes. But first have a cookie. An old town folk told him about a powerful sorcerer who was renowned for her beauty as well as her powerful magic. The king heard of her and summoned her to court. On seeing her, he asked for her hand in marriage, but she declined. Oh the king couldn't stand it, no one had ever rejected him. He summoned the devils own and one of them cast a spell to make her appear as a witch, but some thing went a miss laddy. The spell boomeranged, it one thing to cast a spell on a normal person, but quite another to cast it on another magical creature. The spell went something like this, now mind you I can't tell you the exact words, otherwise who knows what you would look like! It went :

What is beautiful, what is powerful

What was once beautiful, what was once powerful.

But in the hurry to cast the spell, one of the devils own made the mistake of leaving out the bit of what was once powerful.

So the witch became even more powerful, but she no longer looked the same. What was once beautiful, became shriveled and old.

This is why the devils own were scared to go back, uncle? And why didn't the king tell mcdaffy.

Ah the king didn't know, all he knew that the deed was done. The devils own left out a wee bit detail. There is one more thing about curses matty, the one who is cursed doesn't know who has wronged them and they cant even remember the spell. you see the witch had no clue. Mcdaffy, realised that the witch was not at blame, she didn't know who wronged her. All she knew was someone took away something she prided on. The curse needed to  be lifted or she would keep on attacking the town's people.

But why the people, why she went after them.

When you are in pain, you hurt everyone around you. And to make matters worse, he didn't know how to lift a miscast spell. Only the witch was powerful enough to do something about it. Now have a little bit of water, we don't want you to go home thirsty now do we.

Then what mcdaffy do, uncle?

He realised he needed to get the witch close enough to talk to her. He needed to standout, but he didn't want to risk using his talent.

So what did he do, uncle?

He went to the puzzle shop lady and borrowed her old puzzles and he setup shop. For days and days people came to the shop but the witch never showed. He realised it needed to be something new. He took the paintings from the king's vault. These were never seen by anyone but the king and a few people in the palace matty. He setup shop again. For days and days he tried, but the witch never showed. On the last day when he had decided to call it quits and was packing up his stuff matty, guess who showed.

The wicked witch?

A woman in a clocked hood who said, those are pretty paintings. I have never seen them before, are you the painter. Mcdaffy turned and said, the shop is closed. That's a pity, said the witch, I would have loved to meet the painter. I am the painter, but I no longer paint, someone took my talent away Said mcdaffy. Really, I find that hard to believe when your true gift is cleverness mcdaffy, said the witch. Mcdaffy almost fell down with horror. The witch raised her arms and puff disappeared. Mcdaffy tried to check if he was ok, he opened up a few puzzles he had taken from the puzzle shop lady. And he couldn't solve a single one.

Oh no, then what did he do?

He went to the king and offered to resign, as he no longer could serve as the strategist. But he didn't tell him about who the witch was. The king was at a loss what to do. He refused mcdaffy's resignation and told him to take sometime off. Old mcdaffy was at his wits ends, he sat at home wondering what to do. The thing that made him was taken, his mind. He paced up and down, spent days in desperation, he was at a loss.

What did he do then uncle?

What every manly man does matty, he went to his mother and poured his heart out. His mum listened to her son as he sobbed and told her the whole thing. The mum was infuriated and had tears in her eyes. She asked him but what did she take from you. Mcdaffy said my intelligence. But that is not your strength said his mum. You were never good at puzzles and riddles as a kid, you never gave up on them, that's all. Mcdaffy realised his mum was right, his real strength was that he never gave up And he decided to show that bad old witch his true talent. He convinced the puzzle shop lady to open her shop again and would try to solve the puzzles morning to night. Days went by matty, but the witch was a no show. Seasons past, but she never came. Then one day after seven months of persistence, the witch showed. She asked mcdaffy what is the use of solving puzzles, if you have lost your wit?. Mcdaffy said aye, that is true, but look wicked one I still can solve them. The witch was astonished, she asked what magic is this? Mcdaffy said it's no magic, just me. You could also remove the curse on you, you are powerful enough. But I don't know the spell cast on me said the witch . Mcdaffy told her the spell. The witch reversed the curse

What once was beautiful, remains

That's it?

Yes matty, a simple line to put to an end a town's misery. The witch was restored to her normal self and mcdaffy told her about the king and the devils own. In the town strange occurrences began, the man with the nasally voice got his deep manly voice, the puzzle woman her wit and mcdaffy his. As for the king and the devils own, let just say their days were a little more interesting, some even grew tails!

Where is the witch?

I don't know she disappeared after that, some say she is still up to her old tricks, but is bit kinder. I think she would have popped off by now.

Lucky for us uncle she doesn't make home visits uncle. But uncle, I think she is still up to her old tricks, but yes you are right she is much kinder.

Puff went the cloud of smoke and the uncle ran into the bathroom.

The wicked witch is here, oh thank God my mustache is still there! Blimey what did she take?

Uncle where are you? Oh what happened? Sorry I am late, mum wouldn't let me leave until I finish my homework. Wow when did you get that tea pot, is it made of gold?

Uncle ? Are you ok? You look like you saw a ghost.

A sorcerer is more like it matty. A sorcerer.

The end