Saying no to the carrot

When the logical next step of you present state of misery is moving ahead - getting to a better place, a higher pay, more future. But then you think do I want this, wasn't I looking to find something I love to do, rather than looking for things that people generally look for when they are forced to do things they don't love. Why is it that I cant do my work properly, why I don't dig deeper, why I give-up so easily. Why is it easy for me to say no thank you to the carrot and stay with the rotten apple. Maybe its easy to maintain status quo, easy to do nothing. But then I find it difficult to push myself towards something I am not convinced about. I wish I had thought about my future, where is it headed, before I started walking towards it. This whole, it all adds up in the end, is too risky and you have to grow old before you find out this strategy worked. There are many people whose life doesn't add up, they remain disjoint pieces, good and bad moments. Nothing falls into place, you just end up with these random experiences. In my case the one experience which is adding up is living alone, I needed to go through it to realise I cant live alone. The office experience I guess I realise I am done, but then now what?